1.23.2007
its snowing again. every thought being thought is floating from above and collecting on the ground, waiting to either be melted, flattened, looked at, or molded into something. i look at the white ground and think, "wow, look at all those ideas. all that potential that is just being looked at, like i am now. how can i tap into those new thoughts and do something about it? i'm sick of being a passive hypocrite." there's just something about snow...as lame as it sounds, and yes you can accuse me of quoting gilmore girls but i am in full concurrence with this statement and its truly coming from my own mouth, snow is magical. people say they hate snow and winter, but i don't think a person can honestly say they haven't felt something wonderful when it snows. those first flakes, the ones that frost your clothes and hair, there is something to those. its just...amazing.
today marks the end of my 3 day coffee sabbatical and my first day of silence, seeing as the giant white spots that decorated the back of my throat like a giant canvas (nice picture, i know. i apologize. i could delve deeper, but i will save you the anguish) are disappearing and taking my voice with them. on the plus side, i don't feel like i'm going to die any more and have conditioned myself to almost not be afraid of swallowing. and i vow to eat more than 500 calories today.
i have become a collection of habits. i have a habit of walking slightly pidgeoned-toed and not in a straight line. i have a habit of drinking coffee everyday. i have a habit of eating a disgusting amount of turkey wraps and/or sandwiches every week. i have a habit of ignoring the most important topics of a lecture. i have a habit of finding something wrong with everything i do. i have a habit of wearing my beloved checkered shoes when it is most inappropriate. i have a habit of being seriously motivated, but not motivated enough to do the little things. i have a habit of being standoffish. i have a habit of looking like i'm listening.
i cannot admit to being proud of some of my habits and i cannot admit i am pleased to see i have become a collection of them. i worry if i have become to mundane and structured. i fear being bored and boring and i fear that you will dismiss me because i have become just that.
today marks the end of my 3 day coffee sabbatical and my first day of silence, seeing as the giant white spots that decorated the back of my throat like a giant canvas (nice picture, i know. i apologize. i could delve deeper, but i will save you the anguish) are disappearing and taking my voice with them. on the plus side, i don't feel like i'm going to die any more and have conditioned myself to almost not be afraid of swallowing. and i vow to eat more than 500 calories today.
i have become a collection of habits. i have a habit of walking slightly pidgeoned-toed and not in a straight line. i have a habit of drinking coffee everyday. i have a habit of eating a disgusting amount of turkey wraps and/or sandwiches every week. i have a habit of ignoring the most important topics of a lecture. i have a habit of finding something wrong with everything i do. i have a habit of wearing my beloved checkered shoes when it is most inappropriate. i have a habit of being seriously motivated, but not motivated enough to do the little things. i have a habit of being standoffish. i have a habit of looking like i'm listening.
i cannot admit to being proud of some of my habits and i cannot admit i am pleased to see i have become a collection of them. i worry if i have become to mundane and structured. i fear being bored and boring and i fear that you will dismiss me because i have become just that.
